Music to “Cover the sound of your partner’s snoring”

So after a long and unexplained hiatus, NSNTM is back, fresh, with a hopefully sustainable concept.

I’ve enjoyed writing the live reviews, but was finding reviewing albums was a bit of a drag. I listen to shitload of metal. Picking albums to review was difficult. I want to review everything but don’t have time and I’m not satisfied with the meagre selection that I do have time to cover. I also wanted to use this site to write about my other interests/musings/complaints but haven’t yet managed to do so.

Therefore the new, streamlined NSNTM is going to consist of live reviews, and the new “Music to…” series, and anything my guest editor contributes.

For each “Music to…” item, I’m aiming to cover 5 songs, one newish album and one classic album.

RAGE AGAINST THE SMALL HOURS

You’ve worked until midnight everyday this week. You’ve forsaken your Friday night drinking to come home early and pay back your sleep debt. You’ve just dropped off to sleep when your wife gets into bed and starts making noises that have you convinced she’s possessed by the angry spirit of an expiring elephant. And this particular pachyderm was not known for her chirpy disposition when she wasn’t on the way to meet her maker.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. You want to suffocate your partner in their sleep but you are worried that may be socially frowned upon. Fear not, I have a solution.

In the way the Tattoo Fixers try to cover appalling tattoos with bigger tattoos (my favourite being the man who got a tattoo of a penis on his penis), my proposed songs aim to give you additional noise to drown out nocturnal gruntings in bedchamber. The songs are unpleasant, but at least the sound is your choice. Everything louder than everything else.

5 of the Best – I only dream in black and white

“Become A Machine” – Harms Way – A “beautiful” (read face-melting) treatise on the intersection between humanity and it’s use of technology from Post-Human, one of the hardest hitting albums of 2018. “Repeat the cycle, become a machine” is the mantra, if only I could. Machines don’t care about snoring.

“Me and My Enormous Spiritual Erection” – The Colour of Violence – I don’t know anything about this band or the meaning of this song. I just know it sounds horrible and I’ve been listening to it for years when a 2 minute burst of venting is needed.

“Second Son of R” – Oathbreaker – 2016’s Rheia is a delicate album that contrasts fragility and rage for an intense and atmospheric experience. Vocalist Caro Tanghe has spoken about the difficulties of being put through the emotional wringer when she performs and the band are currently on a break. Here, for our insomnia squashing purposes, we ignore harrowing intro “10:56” and more straight to the white hot “Second Son of R”.

“Terror Tactics” – Cavalera Consiracy – Max Cavalera basically is a terror tactic and 2017’s Psychosis is unrelenting in it’s aural bludgeoning. Max has always had a political streak through his music and while it is here on this album, the focus is very much a bang up to date metal assault. Fuck you ears.

“Iron Strengthens Iron” – Dyscarnate – If Harms Way and Cavalera Conspiracy can’t drown out the sound, maybe Dyscarnate completely over the top groove from 2017’s With All Their Might can.

New NoiseDebt by Helpless

If you want unrelenting noise terrorism then grindcore is usually a good place to start. 2017’s Debt is an album ticks all the boxes, repeatedly smacking you round the face until you don’t know which way is north. One of the most furious musical experiences of recent years and reflective of my thoughts when I hear that first soft snuffle before the full snoring onslaught begins.

One From the VaultChaosphere – Meshuggah

You want to snore next to with an inconsistent polyrhythmic pattern? Well then fuck you I’m going to drown you out with something that makes even less fucking sense. 1998’s Chaosphere sees Meshuggah perfecting the approach that has seen them often imitated but rarely equalled let alone bettered. This album feels like the nightmare you should be having if the person next to you wasn’t keeping you awake.

That’s it for this week. Please recommend your 5 tracks for drowning out snoring spouses.

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