With our mathematical background, NSNTM can appreciate the merits of pigeonholing the life’s work of hard working poorly paid artists into a simple numerical grouping. 4 squids out of 5. 6/10 David Daimans. Easy for the reviewer, crushing for the artist. What’s not to like.
But it leaves an unsatisfying amount of interpretation sometimes. What if an album has 2 raging tracks but you can turn the rest sideways and stick it up your candy ass. How does that rate? 5 rock bottoms out of 7 doesnt capture the merits.
Therefore NSNTM is devising an ingenious qualitative rating system (non-mutually exclusive) of its own. Further categories will follow as necessary. Initial categories include:
Mildly Diverting from the pitiless void that is your life
Piling more misery onto your meaningless existence
Come with me if you want to live
“Some goddamn fool at NSNTM accused you of being the best”
Give me your clothes your boots and your motorcycle (reserved for Judas Priest reviews)
CIA’s got them pushing too many pencils
Neck stabiliser required
HOW WONDERFULLY DECADENT (reserved mostly for prog rock/metal)
Realigning your perceptions